As you probably know, the Supreme Court began hearing arguments today on the issue of gay marriage in California. The history of the case in short: CA allowed gay marriage beginning in 2008, but then Proposition 8 passed that year which outlawed it again, and then Prop 8 was found unconstitutional in 2010. It was then appealed to and was accepted by the Supreme Court for consideration. The issue of constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) will be considered subsequently and separately by the Court as well.
I support the right of a consenting adult who wants to marry their same sex partner to do so, with all the rights and responsibilities as straight couples are granted by the state. Religious institutions (which don't run the state, thank goodness) could choose to marry or not marry whomever they choose based on their beliefs, as they do now.
While I am straight, and know well those who have chosen to have gay relationships and then straight ones later (hello, women's college) or vice versa (hello ex-BIL), you don't have to know lots of gay people to know that your sexual orientation it is not a choice, but a way you are born. I'm actually hoping that soon they will find the gene that determines this, as it will make the case for discrimination that much more flimsy under the law. And why would someone "choose" to be gay when it is so denigrated by every society? Makes absolutely no sense.
I really like being married. I have gay friends who would like to get married, and I'd like to go to their weddings and share in "being married" with them. Their marriage wouldn't otherwise affect mine, though it makes me sad that they are singled out to not be able to be married because of who they are. I think it is traditional (and even conservative) to think that it is better for society for people to be encouraged to be in monogamous long term relationships, regardless of their sexual orientation. I know that the difficulty merely acknowledging the validity of same sex relationships is one of the main reasons why people oppose it.
There are several personal reasons why this issue particularly resonates with me as a straight married person, beside the fact that I think the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law.
First, I'm in an infertile marriage. We don't know exactly why, but we were not able to conceive on our own even after several years of trying. Thankfully, the medical community is not confined by the belief of some that only fertile marriages are worthy and we were lucky enough to have had our twins with the help of IVF. The argument that only marriages that can and/or do welcome children (biologically or otherwise) are real and valid marriages is personally insulting and incorrect in my opinion. It was actually in a Catholicism class in college where I studied that church's belief that marriage (and sex even, gasp!) has many recognized benefits to the individuals outside of procreation. As long as there are not age and fertility tests for straight marriage, this argument holds little water, even on religious grounds.
Second, I'm in an interracial and international marriage. I honestly sometimes forget this fact, I know that sounds silly, but I do. Even though I don't think Asians were the target, it has only been a few decades since interracial marriage was made legal in this country. This was based almost solely on racist views of blacks being inferior to whites and to discourage procreation across racial lines. How far we've come...
The legal protections and benefits of marriage are numerous, not the least of which is immigration. My husband came the U.S. some 15 years ago on a student visa as a graduate student. When he graduated, he got a job and was sponsored by his employer for an H1B visa (a highly skilled worker visa) to work as a civil/transportation engineer (designing roads). It was several years later, as we planned our wedding, while he was also going through the lengthy legal process to become a permanent resident (Green card holder) on his own merits, when his lawyers informed him that this employer had not retained all the paperwork necessary to process his application (the proof (job listing, applications, etc.) that there were no U.S. citizens who could fill his job at that time) and he would therefore not be eligible.
Thankfully we were able/forced to apply for the spousal visa available to those married to U.S. citizens, which much to his upset involved me in the whole ridiculous process, since he had wanted to do it on this own and not trouble me. We had a whole new process to go through together and had to meet with immigration (a la the movie Green Card) and explain why our marriage was real, answering silly questions to prove that we didn't just get married so that he could stay in the country.
This is not something that same sex couples can do, under any circumstances. Many couples (even those with children) are forced into separation, deportation, living abroad, or live here undocumented because we do not have legal recognition of their relationships. Because we are straight, my husband has been eligible to become a citizen for several years (as soon as we finish that paperwork...).
The key arguments against gay marriage have to do with religious and cultural traditions, which I acknowledge, but reject as valid legal arguments for the state to discriminate against a group of people.
While not the direct issue at hand, should children be raised by two parents of different genders?
Sure, but it is straight parents failing here, as the majority of children do not currently live in this situation. Half of babies born are to single parents, and half of married couples divorce, and most kids today don't live with two parents. Should same sex couples be singled out to uphold a standard that straight couples are not meeting themselves?
Is is possible for gay couples to raise straight, well adjusted children?
Yes, I believe there was just a study released on this...
Are people grossed out by the mere idea of gay people and gay sex, not to mention gay marriage?
Yep, but that doesn't make it constitutional to discriminate against a group of people.
Will it make straight people uncomfortable to have to explain to their children those in their community who are in same sex marriages/relationships?
Probably, but we'll get over it. Children are taught to discriminate, they understand fairness innately.
I hope the Court will do the right thing here, but I'm honestly not holding my breath. I can't imagine my life hanging in the balance like so many people's are on this issue.
I support the right of a consenting adult who wants to marry their same sex partner to do so, with all the rights and responsibilities as straight couples are granted by the state. Religious institutions (which don't run the state, thank goodness) could choose to marry or not marry whomever they choose based on their beliefs, as they do now.
While I am straight, and know well those who have chosen to have gay relationships and then straight ones later (hello, women's college) or vice versa (hello ex-BIL), you don't have to know lots of gay people to know that your sexual orientation it is not a choice, but a way you are born. I'm actually hoping that soon they will find the gene that determines this, as it will make the case for discrimination that much more flimsy under the law. And why would someone "choose" to be gay when it is so denigrated by every society? Makes absolutely no sense.
I really like being married. I have gay friends who would like to get married, and I'd like to go to their weddings and share in "being married" with them. Their marriage wouldn't otherwise affect mine, though it makes me sad that they are singled out to not be able to be married because of who they are. I think it is traditional (and even conservative) to think that it is better for society for people to be encouraged to be in monogamous long term relationships, regardless of their sexual orientation. I know that the difficulty merely acknowledging the validity of same sex relationships is one of the main reasons why people oppose it.
There are several personal reasons why this issue particularly resonates with me as a straight married person, beside the fact that I think the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law.
First, I'm in an infertile marriage. We don't know exactly why, but we were not able to conceive on our own even after several years of trying. Thankfully, the medical community is not confined by the belief of some that only fertile marriages are worthy and we were lucky enough to have had our twins with the help of IVF. The argument that only marriages that can and/or do welcome children (biologically or otherwise) are real and valid marriages is personally insulting and incorrect in my opinion. It was actually in a Catholicism class in college where I studied that church's belief that marriage (and sex even, gasp!) has many recognized benefits to the individuals outside of procreation. As long as there are not age and fertility tests for straight marriage, this argument holds little water, even on religious grounds.
Second, I'm in an interracial and international marriage. I honestly sometimes forget this fact, I know that sounds silly, but I do. Even though I don't think Asians were the target, it has only been a few decades since interracial marriage was made legal in this country. This was based almost solely on racist views of blacks being inferior to whites and to discourage procreation across racial lines. How far we've come...
The legal protections and benefits of marriage are numerous, not the least of which is immigration. My husband came the U.S. some 15 years ago on a student visa as a graduate student. When he graduated, he got a job and was sponsored by his employer for an H1B visa (a highly skilled worker visa) to work as a civil/transportation engineer (designing roads). It was several years later, as we planned our wedding, while he was also going through the lengthy legal process to become a permanent resident (Green card holder) on his own merits, when his lawyers informed him that this employer had not retained all the paperwork necessary to process his application (the proof (job listing, applications, etc.) that there were no U.S. citizens who could fill his job at that time) and he would therefore not be eligible.
Thankfully we were able/forced to apply for the spousal visa available to those married to U.S. citizens, which much to his upset involved me in the whole ridiculous process, since he had wanted to do it on this own and not trouble me. We had a whole new process to go through together and had to meet with immigration (a la the movie Green Card) and explain why our marriage was real, answering silly questions to prove that we didn't just get married so that he could stay in the country.
This is not something that same sex couples can do, under any circumstances. Many couples (even those with children) are forced into separation, deportation, living abroad, or live here undocumented because we do not have legal recognition of their relationships. Because we are straight, my husband has been eligible to become a citizen for several years (as soon as we finish that paperwork...).
The key arguments against gay marriage have to do with religious and cultural traditions, which I acknowledge, but reject as valid legal arguments for the state to discriminate against a group of people.
While not the direct issue at hand, should children be raised by two parents of different genders?
Sure, but it is straight parents failing here, as the majority of children do not currently live in this situation. Half of babies born are to single parents, and half of married couples divorce, and most kids today don't live with two parents. Should same sex couples be singled out to uphold a standard that straight couples are not meeting themselves?
Is is possible for gay couples to raise straight, well adjusted children?
Yes, I believe there was just a study released on this...
Are people grossed out by the mere idea of gay people and gay sex, not to mention gay marriage?
Yep, but that doesn't make it constitutional to discriminate against a group of people.
Will it make straight people uncomfortable to have to explain to their children those in their community who are in same sex marriages/relationships?
Probably, but we'll get over it. Children are taught to discriminate, they understand fairness innately.
I hope the Court will do the right thing here, but I'm honestly not holding my breath. I can't imagine my life hanging in the balance like so many people's are on this issue.
